user guide.

theteet. 25. female. bangs, ohio. senior writer. columbus, ohio. boiling down and dressing up mundane since 2004. proudly serving as Google’s No. 2 reference for Megan Pringle hot since 2006. proudly serving as Google’s No. 3 reference for “claudia schiffer” + “gold pants” since 2007.

There are many important recurring characters here at

Post this handy guide on your refrigerator for easy reference. Know them. Love them. You are them:

Name: Seth. Alias:Teth Seter or Steter. In Brief:The Steter in his natural habitat. Married to since August 2004. Often the victim of serious hyperbole. Handy. Hates: Noise, Dominion Homes, above-the-nipple touching, when people get ‘handsy.’ Loves: pies (of any kind), dirt, smoking a pipe after eating pie. also, cows.

Name:Maybel. Alias:The Pig or Boobles. In Brief: Kentucky-born English Bulldog since February 2006. Hates: Watermelon. All other kinds of melon. The sound of a new trash bag being opened and sitting in the back seat. Loves: Treats, walks, Charlie, ‘humping it out’ and barfing.

Name: Amanda. Alias: The Sister. In Brief:theteet’s younger (but larger) sister. Survived a brain bleed in February 2007. Hates: minor inconveniences that make her blurt out uncontrollably, brain bleeds. Loves:UFC, cornhole, texting, fast food and her dog Charlie.

Name: mom and dad. Alias: the ‘rents. In Brief:Ashland natives and frequent visitors. They taught me how to swear. Hates: hospitals. Loves: squirrels and lattes.

480812867_853fbd0b541.jpgName: Mae. Alias:Klingler or Maddog. In Brief:Cincinnati resident and former college/Old Towne East roommate. Once wrote a song that made theteet cry. Hates: Hate. Loves: Jesus, family, puns, guitars and gardening.

Name: Colleen. Alias:Crankin and Rankin. In Brief:Akron resident and former college roomie. Arguably more handy than Seth. Nice bosom for hugging. Hates: all drivers. Loves: beer, coffee, cigarettes and boys we all find strange.

Name: Talya. Alias:Strader and Sweet T. In Brief:Chicago resident and former college roomie. served brief stint at theteet’s ‘accountability partner.’ collects monthly fee for keeping quiet. Hates: people who do not comment on her blog. Loves:social justice, eggs and the occupation of barista.

Name: Chris. Alias:Christopher, Monsterbeard and Nadine. In Brief: Chicago resident and college buddy. Maker of ‘We once waited up in the dark with a gun,’ and other misadventures. Hates: people who are looking the other way. Loves: history, film and acronyms.

Name:pdawg. Alias: none needed. In Brief:Former co-worker who is willing to eat waffles with theteet at 4 in the morning regardless of level of snow emergency. Hates: anyone under the age of 35. Loves: Hostess pies, old man rants and golf.

Name:Linsly. Alias:MERLIN, lin or newbie. In Brief: Former co-worker who lived with us for a week. I can tell this kid anything. He’s like a brother. Hates: sexual predators. Loves: zombies, guns, porch chats and movie quotes.

Name:jaydubs. Alias:jwray and 10bagspacking. In Brief: Co-worker who taught me everything I know about the world. Hates: mean jokes, mushrooms, clipping fingernails in the office. Loves: crafts, her gay-together but also betrothed person Kyle, Columbus Bride Magazine, veggie-friendliness and basil.

Name:jessica. Alias:jessm. In Brief: College buddy with the amazing handshake. I believe she might be back from Alaska and living in Hudson now. Hates: poverty. Loves: Jesus, jazz, geography and hilarious t-shirts.

Name:brittiny. Alias: Brit-Brat, experimental dater or The Dunlap. In Brief:Former co-worker (notice a theme here?) who started with me at SNP on the same day. Former Sorority president taught me the ropes of being a lady. her wisdom did not take. Hates:visible pany line. Loves: cocktails, shoes and ‘the blue box.’

Name:garth and jen. Alias: not safe around house plants and the real spider-man and/or HSnothingswronghere. In Brief: Co-worker couple who proved themselves fun at work and on the farm. Periodically forced to kiss in gas station parking lots. Hates: local broadcast news reporters. Loves:zombies, movie quotes, Indianapolis and lin rice.

Name: Angie. Alias: captain cool. In Brief: Former co-worker who stole my heart. She is the only thing I’ve ever lost to the Youngstown Vindicator. Hates: misogynists. Loves:celebrity gossip, hilarious captions, biking/hiking, her boyfriend Jef, her mom and Columbus.

Name: Melville. Alias:welcome to earf or bad town. In Brief:Former co-worker who let me inherit his seat at SNP. For a while, he was the only one who would talk Reynoldsburg politics with me. Hates: fleas, eminent domain and people who flip the bird. Loves: his evil cat, running, opinions, beer and Tom Waits.

Name:The Gerish. Alias:The Gerish. In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you’re lucky, you’ll see a tousle of black hair breeze by over the cubicle wall. Hates: Things that aren’t crackers. Loves: crackers.

Name: Dennis. Alias: secret reading. In Brief: Co-worker and rare, elusive creature. If you’re lucky, he’ll walk over and talk to you. But he probably won’t. Once took my sister-in-law to Homecoming. Hates: The damn kids who walk in his yard. Loves: Corgis, Cedar Point and Rachel. But not the one you’re thinking of.

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